My MS diagnosis led to finding love

When Frances was diagnosed with MS in 2018, looking for love was the last thing on her mind. Now, four years on, Frances and her fiancé Alexis are planning their wedding after finding love at a local support group for people living with multiple sclerosis. 

My name is Frances, I am 38 years old and was diagnosed in 2018. I worked in HR and recruitment at the time of my first ‘episode’ and I started to notice I wasn't as sharp as I used to be. I would interview candidates for positions but felt I couldn’t do my own role as my judgement wasn't as good as it used to be. Even daily duties were taking longer.

My emotions were all over the place, I was feeling sad, crying; I felt overwhelmed. I loved to walk but my balance was suddenly all over the place. I had a few falls even whilst just walking down the street. I couldn’t hold my body upright and also started to get muscle spasms in my legs. I visited my local GP and they sent me for various tests.

While waiting for these results my mother thought it best I go private to see if someone could find out what was going on. This is where I had my first MRI scan, which showed a number of lesions on my brain. After this discovery the private neurologist diagnosed me with MS though recommended that I went to A&E as the costs of going private would not have been possible for me to afford.

I went to A&E and my story with dealing with multiple sclerosis truly began. In the space of around a year my life had been turned upside down. I couldn’t really think about anything else at that point and I certainly had no thoughts of dating. I just remember being upset all the time trying to process what was happening to me. I tended to stay home as I didn’t want to interact with anyone which in hindsight probably made things harder. 

I ended up joining my local MS group and it was there that I met my now fiancé, Alexis. Although he was diagnosed in 2009, it took him almost 10 years to come to terms with. He decided to look for help and after waiting over a month to be invited to the group, ended up at Borehamwood library in January 2019. I remember seeing him at the start of the meeting but I didn’t pay too much notice as I still wasn’t really thinking about dating or relationships. We didn’t see each other again for a month.

Later, I found out that he almost didn’t come to the next meeting. Luckily he did as it was there that we spoke properly for the first time. We noticed each other as we are the youngest in the group so decided to exchange numbers. I saw him again the next day and we spent time getting to know each other. We have been together ever since!

It undoubtedly moved fast, a lot of which had to do with the fact that we could understand what the other was experiencing. We developed a strong connection and I felt we could really open up to each other. Alexis shared a lot of what he saw as his flaws with me straight away as he felt it was the first time he could be completely honest with someone. He understood the fears I had as he had them too. He understood the day to day struggles I was having as again, he was experiencing those too. 

Although Alexis’ journey may have been very different to mine, we understood each other. We definitely gave one another a new level of support that we couldn’t find anywhere else. With our symptoms, a number of them are very different, though we also share many. The usual ailments such as fatigue, memory loss, muscle spasms, aches and pains are things we both experience on a daily basis.

Alexis actually proposed to me two months after we moved in together and he did so in front of our local MS group and our families, who were watching over Zoom. The joys of modern technology thrown in with a little bit of lockdown! He proposed on our two-year anniversary and it came as a major surprise as I didn’t suspect anything. We are officially the first members of the group that met there, fell in love and got engaged. With any luck, we will both remember and make it to the wedding next August!

I can honestly say that I thought I would never be in a relationship again let alone finding love. Getting married is simply something I never thought would happen. Alexis also said he never thought he’d get married but sometimes things just happen that we don’t expect. 

We are due to tie the knot in summer and are so excited to spend the rest of our lives together in sickness and in health. A line so commonly used on wedding days but even more apt for an MS couple like us!

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