Why I'm raising awareness of MS and mental health


20 April 2020

Chris and fanily

When former professional cricketer Chris Paget was told he had MS in 2017, he didn’t know which way to turn. Feeling isolated and alone, he spiralled into depression, refusing to open up even to the people closest to him. Thanks to the love and support of his family and friends, Chris was able to emerge from the darkness and today, several years later, he says he’s “never felt stronger”. It’s been quite the journey to get to this point and Chris is keen to help normalise the conversation around mental health. We caught up with Chris to find out more.

Hi Chris. Thanks for talking to us. Can you tell us about the moment you were diagnosed with MS?

I was given a suspected diagnosis in 2013 following a period of neurological symptoms in my hands and feet. These sorts of symptoms weren’t that uncommon for me. Between 2004 and 2008 I was a professional cricketer for Derbyshire CCC (albeit not a very successful one!!) and during this time I experienced a fair amount of nerve related issues which I’d always interpreted as general wear and tear of professional sport. As it turns out it was probably more than that. However, given these types of symptoms weren’t uncommon I had been rather blasé, perhaps even arrogant, throughout the testing and I was completely underprepared for the news that they suspected I had MS in early 2014. I wasn’t formally diagnosed with MS until 2017.

What are some of the main MS symptoms you experience day-to-day?

They aren’t immediately obvious: they are primarily in my hands, feet and lower left leg. While they are largely sensory – often like that slightly painful feeling you get when you are coming out of an episode of pins and needles – I also experience muscle spasms, fatigue, the so-called hug (not that friendly) and bladder weakness. My lower left leg is particularly uncomfortable, especially when I’m tired and can cause problems sleeping. They have kind of become my new normal, but I definitely notice a deterioration when I’m tired.

How did the diagnosis impact you?

Whichever way I look at it, MS has had a profound effect on me. Now I feel comfortable saying that the effect has been a positive one, but for a long time that wasn’t the case.

When I was diagnosed, I knew very little about MS and I was happy to stay in the dark in that regard so did nothing to address this. I was in denial. I kept my diagnosis private other than with my very closest friends and family. This was where I can now see where I went wrong.

At first this ‘secret life’ was something that I felt I was able to live with and, in public, at least, I was. Until very recently I was able to carry on my job (as a sports and entertainment lawyer and partner at Sheridans) without my firm knowing. However, the diagnosis and the associated psychological impact of hiding it were taking their toll both publicly and privately.

How did the diagnosis affect your mental health?

I felt an overwhelming sense of shame. I was isolated and alone and I had created a situation where I was without an outlet where I could openly discuss my feelings and fears. I was depressed but too ashamed to seek help and support – I didn’t feel comfortable exposing my growing vulnerabilities.

I lived inside my own head in private and put on a mask in public. Privately, alcohol became an outlet, which had a compounding effect on my mental health. I feared judgment, and I particularly feared demonstrating any vulnerability and exposing ‘my secret’.

Without my amazing wife, Harriet, and her continued attempts to get me to open up about my feelings and my state of mind, I would still feel isolated and alone. Whereas now, and notwithstanding the diagnosis and potential prognosis, I have never felt stronger: I have learnt so much about myself, what I consider important and how I want to live my life, I have reconnected with friends that I had subconsciously pushed away and I have been able to re-prioritise what is important.

I lived inside my own head in private and put on a mask in public

I know I have a long way to go and that I have to work on my mental health on a daily basis but it was taking the initial step that was comfortably the hardest. The birth of our little daughter, Orla, four months ago has certainly put things very quickly into perspective. I think parenthood does that whatever your situation.

What would your advice be to others dealing with an MS diagnosis?

Communicate, try to be proactive in processing and learning to accept the diagnosis and use the support networks that you have (whether family, friends, colleagues and of course the MS Trust!). Basically, do everything I didn’t! It was only when I began to communicate that I was able to process the full range of emotions that I had harboured and then things began to feel easier. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.