1 August 2021
Multiple sclerosis can affect marriages and long-term romantic relationships, sometimes in positive and sometimes in negative ways. But little is known about the impact of MS on dating and building romantic relationships. This study took an in depth look at the dating experiences of a small group of people living with MS.
Researchers in Ireland recruited participants who were aged 18 or over, had a diagnosis of MS, were single and not living with a partner. Seven people took part in the study, five women and two men who had been diagnosed for 4-16 years. Six participants had relapsing remitting and one had primary progressive MS. Information from two online focus groups which were recorded and analysed.
Four underlying themes emerged from the focus groups:
Although the study included just seven participants (and only two men), the focus group sessions reflected a wide range of different experiences and opinions. Interviews showed very clearly that MS has a significant impact on dating and can make searching for romantic partners more difficult. Not surprisingly, the experience of dating with MS is highly personal and influenced by past experiences and beliefs. Key concerns centred around personal decisions about disclosing MS and the need to keep adapting to the variability of MS with partners in new and developing relationships.
Multiple sclerosis can affect marriages and long-term romantic relationships, sometimes in positive and sometimes in negative ways. But little is known about the impact of MS on dating and building romantic relationships. This study took an in depth look at the dating experiences of a small group of people living with MS.
Researchers in Ireland recruited participants by advertising their project on social media and websites. Participants were eligible if they were aged 18 or over, had a diagnosis of MS, were single and not living with a partner. A series of questions were developed and used to gather information from two online focus groups. The group discussions were analysed and underlying themes identified.
Seven people took part in the study, five women and two men who had been diagnosed for 4-16 years. Six participants had relapsing remitting and one had primary progressive MS.
Deciding when and how to disclose is very personal and based on past experiences and how you feel about a potential partner. For some, early disclosure can be a way of “weeding out” partners who might be unsuitable while others prefer to get to know someone before sharing this private aspect of their life. There is also a worry that disclosing MS might lead to rejection, so some people choose to hide their MS for as long as possible.
Addressing misconceptions about MS and reassuring a new partner can be exhausting and tiring. Some people expressed relief at not being in a relationship at the time of diagnosis, giving them time to come to terms with MS without the burden of dealing with someone else’s concerns. Information available to the public was not perceived as helpful; there was a view that the person with MS themselves is the best source of information about their MS.
MS symptoms, such as pain or fatigue, can limit activities or require more planning. The unpredictable nature of MS can be challenging for couples. Participants felt that it takes a certain “type” of partner to deal with this – someone who is patient, understanding and willing to learn how to adapt to the uncertainty of MS. Participants recognised that open and honest communication is very important, for example to avoid a partner misunderstanding the reason for last-minute changes to plans.
Online dating provides an opportunity to meet more people and get to know them better before meeting face to face. However, some find it more intense or emotionally difficult as it requires the strength to “put themselves out there”. It can be more demanding than in-person dating, and impressions gained from online dating may not match what a potential partner is like in real life. Lockdown has had a positive impact on online dating as options have been limited for everyone so more people are now using dating apps and websites.
Although the study included just seven participants (and only two men), the focus group sessions did reflect a wide range of different experiences and opinions. Interviews showed very clearly that MS has a significant impact on dating and can make searching for romantic partners more difficult. Not surprisingly, the experience of dating with MS is highly personal and influenced by past experiences and beliefs. Key concerns centred around personal decisions about disclosing MS and the need to keep adjusting to the variability of MS with partners in new and developing relationships.
Tabassum K, Fox J, Fuller S, Hynes SM.
Dating with a diagnosis: the lived experience of people with multiple sclerosis.
Sexuality and Disability 2021 May 26: 1-18.
Dating can often feel like a minefield. Throw in Covid-19 and multiple sclerosis and many people would be forgiven for not getting involved. In this blog, Dearbhla Crosse discusses her surprise feelings of empowerment from allowing herself to be vulnerable.
The impact of MS on sexual relationships was not discussed by participants in the study, but MS can cause sexual difficulties and affect intimacy for both men and women.
Read more about sexual problems for men with MS. Our free publication Sex & MS: a guide for men looks at how MS can affect the sex lives of men and discusses some approaches that may help you find ways to manage these issues.
Read more about sexual problems for women with MS. Our free publication Sex, intimacy & MS: a guide for women explains how MS can affect both sexuality and intimacy for women. It offers positive and practical solutions to managing symptoms and talking about your concerns.
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